I Miss The Night Sky

Taken from my deck, when we lived in the country...

I miss being able to go out on my deck at night and look for constellations with my kids. I miss the moon.

I miss impromptu bonfires in the back yard, a pack of kids roasting marshmallows and making s'mores.

I miss meeting up with the neighbors in the back yard and discussing the gardens over a beer.

I love the city, but *sometimes* I miss living in the country. I miss being able to see the moon. It was part of Kieran's bedtime routine. We'd go out on the deck, and he'd say "Look! It's the moon!"....every single night.

A Big Sigh

I went to see the orthopedic specialist this afternoon. He was pleased with how well I can move my hand and wiggle my fingers and such, but says there will still be another four weeks or so of healing time. I'm cleared to go back to work RIGHT NOW, but only for things that do not require the use of my right arm. There is no part of my job that is not incredibly physical and exhausting, but I sure as hell don't want to sit in a cubicle. I'm a little worried they might expect me to do that. I'd rather just spend my time at home with my family. While I'm making less money collecting worker's comp than I would be if I were getting paid, we're ALREADY fucked (financially, and fucked is fucked...a little bit of money isn't going to change it), we may as well enjoy our time. Especially since there is nothing useful I can really do with only my left hand. It would only be something to keep me busy, there's nothing necessary. The office workers (most of them) are unpleasant to deal with, and I was seriously burned out when I broke my arm. There are a lot of problems where I work, so many I could write a book about it. I very strongly believe in what we do, it's just.....the politics. The time off is desperately needed so I can recharge and replenish......

The money shortage is bad this week. We had to replace two dangerously worn tires on our van, among other things which left us with about $15 to last until Thursday. I can't afford to buy my prescription, I will have to be a bad ass until pay day.

Aside from that, I am well rested and decompressed from work, and it feels like my mind is on fire. There are a million things I am ready to do RIGHT NOW.I am especially excited about gardening outside, but I'd also like to cultivate a windowsill garden using kitchen scraps like carrots, celery, potatoes, and maybe a bit of ginger. It would be interesting for my three year old, especially. Also, I want to make some terrariums in empty aquariums we have sitting around.

There's also some pieces of furniture I need to sand and paint. I found these great shelves made of real wood, built like cubbies in a daycare. Five compartments long, so each is about seven feet tall (or long, depending) We have them standing, one on each side of our bed. They are blue, but a blue that just doesn't go well in our bedroom. They are awesome for the books we constantly accumulate....

My Gardening Start, And A Little About Poverty

In my garden, from Spring 2010

Today the boys and I started some seeds in 2 liter soda bottles. All of my seeds are organic, non gmo, and I am HOPING this year's garden will do better than last year's. We had a ton of eggplant, but not much else. I like eggplant, and as vegetarians, we rely on it for our burger fix{recipe here, if you're interested!} BUT DAMN IT WAS A LOT OF EGGPLANT. What I'm really after this year is a proper garden with a fuck ton of tomatoes because I really want to can/ freeze like crazy. Trying to buy organic produce is not easy where I live, not *everything* is readily available, nor is it affordable, and we are on a very limited budget.

Yes, we are POOR, and finding ways to live well, working to enrich our lives without spending money we don't have. So, gardening is one of those things. We've been punched in the face by the economy and made some unwise decisions. I miss having money, but I've found that, in some ways, this poverty has given me more opportunities than one would think. I've connected with people I wouldn't normally have, I've found passions I never thought I'd have.

I've learned to grow some of our own food. Even though it's out of necessity, it's given us something to do as a family that isn't using gas or costing money (except for the initial start up fund), and it's a great learning experience for all of us. We garden without the use of pesticides/ herbicides, and we'll be learning to preserve different things this year (my three year old insisted on growing beets, and I am 35 and have never eaten a beet in my life)...so! Lots of learning!

I started volunteering, because it really is a great way to find a job. I did find a job that way, but I also widened my circle of friends. And while I know ALL  kinds of people (rich & poor, atheist & religious, etc) we are all connected by our common passion. Also, serving others is GOOD for you. It adds such a richness to your life! It's easy to write a check to make a donation, but getting out there and working your ass off for something you believe in? It's infinitely better for you. I see the absolute worst of people, but I see the best of people too.

When we had money, taking a vacation meant going somewhere and staying in a hotel. But we can't really afford it now. I've connected with people online, through blogs and Facebook, and have cultivated friendships all over the country. I've gone to Colorado for the first time to visit a Facebook friend, and she took us all over Colorado Springs and Manitou Springs. We stayed in her little house with her daughter (the same age as my daughter) and her dogs, cooked our meals together and had a lovely time. This spring I am taking a solo vacation to Florida to stay with a bloggy friend I've known for a few years online. On the BEACH. I know the very kindest people.

We go to free local events. I've met artists, street artists, bands, poets, anarchists, activists, writers, etc. We are active in our economically diverse community, and nothing here is about how much money you have. In being poor, I really did learn that I have value that far exceeds the money I used to have.